I'm doing myself a crime

I'm running away all the time

Even though I cross the line

I pretend like I don't care

I tell myself a bunch of lies

Put a blindfold over my eyes

& turn a deaf ear to all the cries

I pretend that I don't care

I'm shrouded in darkness inside

I'm in a dilemma, I can't decide

To all reason, goodbye, I bide,

I pretend that I don't care

I refuse to look on straight

Of what I'll see, I'm so afraid

Despite what is told and said,

I pretend that I don't care

My senses have all gone numb

Poisoned, silenced, & finally dumb

From the moment I chose to succumb

& pretend that  I don't care

My footsteps lead to my doom

Amid the chaos I can't find room

I somehow need to pick up a broom

And stop pretending that I don't care

"Why did you go without saying goodbye??"

I'd only really started talking to her that day. Everyone else had been fussing about her and making such a big deal, since she was only eleven years old - the youngest in the place. And she was the star - she had a confident little ego about her and she enjoyed the attention. Yeah, I remember a time when I was like that. I used to be so sure of what I want and what I know and never really backed away from a discussion. Then the teenage years came in.

I thought, as I looked at her from afar, how she's got enough attention already and that I don't need to go and stare.

But what actually annoyed me was how everyone were treating her the way one would when they went to a zoo or a circus. They watch and cheer and laugh and have a good time. And then they go home when the show is over. No one would really take something he saw in a circus too seriously now, would they?

I saw her trying to fit in the circle of big people around her like an equal, and admired her for it.

She came up to me when I was folding some paper into origami, and asked me to teach her how to do it. It wasn't easy, and she ended up asking me to send it to her email - what, this kid has an EMAIL?? - and I got to talk to her a bit.

Later, when she went to talk to someone else, I got up to leave. But just as I was almost outside, I heard someone following me and calling my name. I turned around and saw it was her. "Oh, hey" I said. "Why did you go without saying goodbye??" She said when she reached me. I was speechless for a moment. But what I felt inside made it clear to me that I was really moved. I gave her a hug, thanked her, and promised it wouldn't happen again. I went home with a smile that day.

A week or two later, I had to give them a visit to finish some things with her sister, who was an organizer. When I arrived, the girl ran up to me and escorted me proudly inside. "Come in, this is our house" And then she ran off. Once I settled in their room upstairs, she appeared agin, cradling a large cat in her arms. "This is my baby" She told me. I was amazed. She then told me about the animals her and her brother kept saving off the streets.

Then she ran off again and brought me some chocolate, which I think was a gift to her family. I felt a little guilty, thinking of how something like that was a rarely found delicacy in Sudan, yet she wanted to share it with me anyway. She offered it so heartly I simply could not refuse. I tried accepting everything she had to offer, trying to consider both appreciating what she did, and at the same time trying not to look uncivilized in the eyes of her elder sister.

On the day of the event, she came wearing a beautiful little dress, but her hair was a mess. It looked she'd washed it before she came and simply twisted it in a knot. I was wondering how come no one in her family noticed, when she came up to me. "I wanted you to do my hair for me, just like you did the other day". I was horrified. I remembered how on that "other day" we were hanging out after we were done our practice for the day, and she was holding a hairbrush trying to groom her tangled hair. I offered to help, though it didn't exactly turn out good at all. I had no little sister to practice on, after all. But here she was, one the actual day of the event, with an undone hair and a hairbrush. I had no idea what to do. I ended up doing a simple obviously-not-fit-for-the-occasion hairdo for her, and she happily ran off.

When the whole thing was over, and it was time to leave, I found her amidst the mess. It was time to say goodbye, although I never wanted to say goodbye. I was a college student and she was still in elementary. I had no more business to take me to their house again, not to mention the 8-year gap between us. And it's not like 11 year olds would have her own phones. We live in completely different worlds. And there I was, trying to digest it all as I looked at my young friend. As I hugged her, I wished I could find a way to relate how much I appreciated it all - how much she did for me. She taught me how friendship was simply caring, sharing and trusting. You do not care where they study or how much money their parents make. You don't care whether they traveled the whole world or was stuck in a 1 km square area your whole life. Not if they were your friends.

I never saw Zainab again..
But I could never forget her.

The End